Counting Blessings and Worries...

This is for my Ah Bei....

如果你有吃穿住，你已比世上75%的人富有。如果你有存款，钱包有现金，还有小零钱，你已是世上最富有的8%了。如果你早上起床，没病没灾，你已经比活不过这周的100万人幸福多了。如果你从没经历战乱、牢狱、酷刑、饥荒，你比正身处其中的5亿人幸福多了。我们在生活中大可少一些抱怨了。

Turning another year older in 2011 and i have live 1/3 of my life away already... ageing makes me feel alittle scare of pre mature death.... there is so much "what if"...
I have not settle so much of my life yet and what if something happens and there is no more sally! What will happen to my ah bei and Lucas and momo?

Was talking to ah bei one day about pre mature death...
Sal: b, will u re marry again if i am gone?
Ah Bei: NO
Sal: I think u pls re marry cos I think u need companionship.... but pls find someone who love u and lucas and is willing to be with u for bitter or sweet...
Ah bei: I say NO to marriage but didnt say i wont look for another or MANY other women ma... where got no companion.... haahaa...
Sal: @#*& u think u look like "Liu De Hua" huh! u no money plus u got Lucas who wants u?!?!
Ah Bei: U leh? Will u remarry?
Sal: Hmmm... I think I will but again maybe not cos what if the man dun like Lucas... Real parents love is unconditional but a step dad wont love lucas 100%... haiz... pls dun die on me 1st... we die together ok... but LUCAS how? like that cannot die... must stay for him... Haahaha

SIAO i think too much already

OFFICALLY I only work on MONDAY, WED and FRIDAY... the rest of the day is LUCAS day!

Hungry Vs FAT

hahaha.... I am a FAT SHORT PENGUIN!

SO WHAT?

Have been hungry almost everytime but cant eat much when comes to meal time... wonder if there is a big worm inside me?

slimming down Vs Eat and be FAT?

I rather EAT.... hahaha....

Bei says I am old liao and not attractive liao.... THAT's SAD cos I just want to be pretty in just his eyes anyone else says i am old, ugly or fat or horrible is perfectly fine for me cos I dont need them to like me... hahaha... BUT coming from bei I am UPSET :(

Bei says he is joking but he always look at young slim sexy char bos leh!

Gave birth liao can hv excuse to be ugly meh? I dun think so.... but is rather difficult stay pretty with no effort put in.... with Lucas crying while I doll up myself is not easy.... so at times i gave up being pretty (ehh... cannot use pretty, say pretty i want to vomit myself).... haha... just for Lucas sake... SO bei pls just pretend that I am always your MOST pretty woman in ur life and every other day okie....

Okie u can see Charbos but not giving comments and comparing them with me okie... they are young and not married so not fair to compare OKIE....

Bei still look appealing and sexy to me everyday and he is my hero and my life and my everything....

Bei, pls stay healthy and sexy just for me and Lucas okie...

Love u bei and Lucas and Snowball

Thank God everyday for hving bei and lucas healthy and happy :)

Friends that make me LAUGH

I so love my gal fren blog... when I feel lousy her blog NEVER FAILS to make me LAUGH OUT LOUD.... she can really express out her feelings with words and XXX at times.. no is all the time very XXX... hahaha... that's my fren CYNTHIA SIAO CHAR BOS

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She wrote:

"No I'm not okay, I feel like shit today and the world sucks bad. Everyone around me sucks. In fact, I feel like a freaking failure in life and I intend to go drown myself in a baby pool today. If I don't drown, maybe I shall go light myself on fire over a bbq pit."
**********************************

So is not mad or depress just freaking irritated and dissapointed only.... Hahaha that's my mad friend that makes me LAUGH

Xiaxue's Blog

She is really funny, just cant stop laughing about what she writes.....

hahaha

www.xiaxue.blogspot.com

take sometime to read what she writes.... will cheer u up :)

The corporate world

Corporate world is the real world

Come on' face the fact baby!

This is what I always tell bei....

the world you are in now is the real world....

ur superior will sweet talk you if u r a good worker...

ur superior will complaint to you about the bosses....

BUT

all superior are just 2 face people by choice or without....

they are just the sandwich tier workers stuck in btw bosses and subordinates....

they will be giving you promises about pay raise and bonus...

when they face the real boss they will be giving the head start how to cut cost and lower your salary....

HAHAHA....

Welcome to the real world baby!

Being in the corporate world for my pass 10years (wah, shit i am damm so old oredy!) I have seen and experience good and bad superior and bosses.... we just have to wear fake mask to work if you dont like your job or ur bosses! Hahaha...

Was chatting with someone from the management level earlier and she was talking about her subordinates using up all her annual leave and MCs... She asks " shld I get her to leave or let her stay till CNY?" is a tough answer actually.... she is old and helpless and she needs the money to maintain her family yet she is not an efficient worker.... if the company keeps her is purly for compassionate reason but then again haiz....

CONCLUSION:

HAIZ, I wish i can be a tai tai soon and stay home be a good houseFLY and good Milk mummy....

I promise to do all the housework...

iron all bei clothes....

provide XXX for bei... Hahaha...

cook for family....

milk for Lucas....

and importantly stay pretty and chio looking for ah bei....

Aunty?? Ehh... i am not sure i am or not BUT i am putting effort still to doll up myself.... so maybe not lah hor???

Melon going to be ONE

Lucas is going to be ONE in another 21 days....

Words Lucas murmured ard:

mama (mixed up mummy and mam mam means eateat)

Papa

Ah Ma (he will shout so loudly when calling Ah Ma)

bai bai (bye bye)

Lucas can really say "bai Bai" and wave his hands whenever he leaves ah ma's place... he loves going to ah ma place cos there is 3 other kids at ah ma house playing with him.... but everytime after he is back home, he will be looking so lonely and upset cos got so many toys but nobody to play with :( Haiz makes me want to hv 2nd melon just for Lucas....

Lucas is learning how to walk now but he has collected so many "Baruku" for learning to stand before he can walk... he just had a fall right in fornt of me and ah ma last night and he cried so hard and loud after he fell!

BUT something I love about it is that he will only want me to carry him after he fall..... hehehe... he knows i will sayang him and cuddle him so tightly until he stop crying...

Lucas appetite at 6mths comparing to current is so different...

@ 6mths:

whatever u give he will just swollow without complaint

he will finish 3 rice bowl of porridge

willing to wear a bib

@ Current

he will grumble and cry if he doesnt like it

will pretend to vomit to show that he dont want anymore!

he will only eat 1st bowl of porridge so fast that u cannot slow down if not he complaint

the 2nd bowl he will pretend to vomit

the 3rd bowl he will be crying and pushing everything that comes near his mouth

baby at this age is really smart....

he will cry if u put a bib ard him...

As for mummy and daddy.... before and after we are always still so tired.... how we both wish I can sleep for 1 whole day without any worries......

My 2 man in life

I miss those days with bei alone.....

for my melon we hv give up many "couple time" or even "me time"...

and i wondered.....

when will i hv another movie with bei or a holiday with bei again....

used to laugh abt people who cant do much things when they started to hv babies...

now i think i am in this situation then i realise is really hard to let go of taking care of Lucas.....

Reason or rather we cant bear to leave Lucas with "someone/anyone":

• will lucas be sick ?
• can that someone handle lucas?
• hv lucas eaten?
• can lucas sleep?
• will we bother people too much?

Was chatting with Bei the other day and we hv 2nd tots about hving 2nd little melon.... haiz, is a JOY but cant we cope physically and financially?

Maybe ask us again when Lucas is 3 years old....

I am loving my 2 man very much and so much more everyday passes by....

bei has been a great father and a great husband (minus off the nagging part)...

I hope Lucas will have sibling (no "s") but not so soon... will see if mummy and daddy can cope physically/metally/financially :)

Love you alot bei and my melon lucas

seeing u guys soon :)

Selfish? Over Protective? or this is JUST Motherhood?

MOTHERHOOD!

SORRY but I am rather pissed, upset and frastrated with friends and people around me who don't or have not experience motherhood yet.....

Why do people or I would rather say is friends whom I know for so many years dont have the basic courtesy to tell me that they are sick/unwell/recovering BUT not fully well yet!

Is really HEARTPAIN to see Lucas falling SICK

Not enough sleep or rest is common for me and bei already, we understand and know this is parenthood and giving up rest time for Lucas is neccessary and we are all willing to do so BUT pls pls pls friends just pls go far far away from us if u are sick!

Call me over protective or sensitive BUT u will never understand till u become a mother yourself!

Have U or rather maybe in the near future see your child:

1. shiver and cry until no voice when U give him a neubuliser.....
2. slim down within few days
3. use to eat 2 full bowls of porridge but now cry after half bowl
4. cant sleep well

I HATE INCONSIDERATE PEOPLE

I am tired and frastrated... sorry if I have been rude but I just cant bear to see Lucas been sick....

How to make edible paint for my melon LUCAS

Any plain flour, mix with water to liquid consistency and add beetroot juice for red, or pandan for green, and you'll get "edible paint" for baby to play.

Hvnt done that yet... but sounds fun and Lucas shld enjoy painting too....

LUCAS IS ONE sooooooon.... is great feeling that he is a big baby oredy... the love for LUCAS is just something I am not sure how to describe...

now i truly understand what is unconditional love

14 Jul 2010 at 0955hrs Goodbye Miki

I have put Miki to sleep this morning at 955am on 14 Jul 2010. Her condition became very jialat yday. I went home after work yday and saw her lying motionless on the floor, usually she will be breathing very hard and still can move her head abit and able to drink milk with my assistance but yday she cant do anything at all.... her tougue is also not functioning and keep rolling back when i try to lift her up. when i stringe feed her to milk yday her tougue keep blocking her throat. Last night I couldnt sleep well, the whole night was a tortured to keep thinking about putting Miki to sleep the next day.....

It has been a month that she has suffered and I think she has been a strong gal.... she did try her best to be well and she was able to lift her own body up 2 weeks ago and could jump alittle but the 2nd stroke strike her again and made her really paralyzed and made her right eyes so damaged and hurt. Her right eyes was so blister and it started bleeding few days back..... feeding her everyday and night was a torture to my heart seeing her getting weaker and weaker by days and weeks.... it was really painful to see her suffer this way.... i been too heartless to let Miki suffered so long..... I guess I shld let her go today.... it wasnt an easy decision and i had to face it all alone by myself....

Today is the 4th visit to Doctor Dennis Choo at Mount Plesant Hospital, I went early at 830am as I wanted Miki to be his 1st patient. Walking to the counter the lady ask what happen to Miki today? It really took me awhile to raise my voice to tell her I am putting Miki to sleep.... these words that came out of my mouth just pierce thru my heart and i wish Miki wasnt ard to hear me saying this..... i feel so heartless.... her heart was still pumping and her left eye was still looking straight at me.... it really hurt like shit to say i wan to put Miki to sleep. The worst is to fill up a silly form asking how I wanted Miki to be cremented.... i got to decide how she was cremented and sign off that i agree with the decision made. How I wish My heart could have just stop for that moment for Miki.... I cried and cried while I finish writing and signing off the form. At the room I ask for a moment spend with Miki, I pray for her and I hope she will be happy in Heaven with God.... nurse came and insert a IV tubing on Miki left hand... Dr dennis came shortly and put Miki to sleep.... i shut Miki eyes but it could be shut off.... i kiss her on her forehead and told her I am sorry and I really love her.

Miki has been a great companion.... she will sit beside u everytime u come close to her.... i miss her big round eyes and I so miss her now.... i m so upset..... sorry i hv to write here cos i really need an outlet to cry n cry out loud....

Hubby didnt want to be there for Miki.... how can man be so heartless? I ask Andy this question, if I was Miki and before I die... will u be there for me? It was painful to see pets die.... and even more scary if one day my parents or someone close to me just die like that? I wish I didnt have emotion so I will never be able to feel upset and cry so badly.

Snowball is alone at home now and I wonder if he realise what's going on and where did Miki went? Will Snowball missed Miki? I cant bring myself to go thru the same thing for Snowball again..... is a painful decision and experience that I never want it at all anymore.....

Can hardly open my eyes cos i cried too hard....

Goodbye Miki, u will be missed by mummy and snowball always... and Lucas will miss u badly too....
14 JULY 2010 at 0955hrs for Miki my beloved gal..... I hope Miki did meet Jesus and is happy in Heaven.....

God Loves U my forever dearest Miki